Monday, June 13, 2005

Auntie Cindy is a hoot.

Oh, it has been so long since my last update.

In my last post, I promised you a few Auntie Cindy tales and a creepy subliminal message on my DVD of the first season of The Mole. Let's start with Auntie Cindy...

About two weeks ago, when Daf was still here, Auntie Cindy and her work partner Michael skipped out on pulling weeds for an hour or two (yes, that is their job) and came over to have a drink with Father. At the time, Father was carving some hiking sticks out of aspen trees.

Enter Auntie Cindy and Michael.
Auntie Cindy: The fun has ariiiiiiiiived!
Michael: Yes, we are here.
Auntie Cindy: Oh, look, Michael! [Father] is carving some aspen canes. He peels off the bark, I love watching it just roll off.
Father: Hehe... Yeah. I am selling them at the gallery for forty-five dollars a piece. [slices aspen bark and rolls it off]
Auntie Cindy: Neat-o, [Father]. I bet Michael can't wait to peel his own aspen!
Michael: Umm...
Auntie Cindy interrupting: Oh, don't be modest! Get your ass over there and strip a tree!

This went on and on until Michael actually did strip a tree. The hilarity continued, though, when father sliced little branch nubs into little wooden coin things.

Auntie Cindy: Oh, look! [Points at dime size wood coins] Witch buttons!
Me: What?
Auntie Cindy: Witch buttons! You can sell them to witches and tell them that they prevent evil spirits! And you can also use them to make witch tacos! [Grabs aspen bark and wraps up the witch buttons into it] You put this thing above your house door to prevent you from dating asssssses. [Aspen pun]

Auntie Cindy then goes on to make crosses and crucifixes out of the aspen bark and tells me to sell them in town for thirteen dollars a piece.

A few days later, Auntie Cindy came over after a fight with Rick (what's new?) She told me the tale of her trip to the alligator farm with her grandkids.

Auntie Cindy: Yeah, so, the other day, I took the grand chillins to the alligator farm and the first thing we see is a crazy redneck running up to us saying "Come quick! I deer just fell into the alligator pit and they're gunna eat it!" I am all, "No, I don't think I want to have the kids see a little fluffy being eaten by a chomp-chomp." So we waited for a few minutes and later went to see the gators when I thought it was safe. Oh, no! That same man said, "Look! A hoof!" I swear, I hate little fluffys being eaten.

That was pretty funny, but wait until you read this.

Auntie Cindy: When I was walking here, with Norman (her dog), A pissy old bitch with two bulldogs was walking by us. Norman was being a dog, an naturally went to smell them. That woman looked at me with an evil set of eyes and said, "If that dog comes any closer to me, I am going to kick his head off!" I was so pissed at the moment, and tried to think of something witty, so I said back, "You're not agile enough!" Afterwards, I thought about what I had just said and realized how stupid it was. "You're not agile enough." Wow. That was a hoot, then I walked away.

Yes, yes. Crazy whore.

Auntie Cindy: My bladder screams at me. I wet myself when I get nervous. I think my bladder has its own brain and know when to make me urinate. Like when I am wearing a fancy dress, it will just leak and scream at me, "I'd like to see you get rid of that stain!" Or when I am doing aerobics, I wet myself and it says to me, "You think you can get away with jumping?! Think again!" Yes, welcome to my peeing antics!

Well I hope you enjoyed the Auntie Cindy stuff, but now to a more serious note... Subliminal messages.

On my DVD of The Mole, there is a scene where the players are talking, and a flash appears on the screen for one frame. When slowed down, it is a mushroom cloud of a nuclear bomb. Why they put it in there is a mystery to me, but I will update you when I know more.

I'll update later, friends! I miss you all!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Ah, the mountain land.

Well, I am in Colorado now. Eight days to be exact. Daf was here, but left this afternoon which makes for a bittersweet day.

This post most likely won't be very long seeing as how I am currently escaping a cousin's birthday party.

Um...Father is still the same. I miss my friends, but I will see them again in two months, so no biggie.

Well, I have to go now, but stay tuned for my next post about my DVD containing a subliminal message and more Auntie Cindy stories.

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