Friday, October 21, 2005

Oh, Lithuanians.

Okay, so, tonight I am going to the Morgue (a haunted house) with the gang.

I am so scared. I just might wet myself. Alex is scared, too, though, so at least I am not alone.

The play is going well. It is pretty fun, actually. We are finally becoming a family. Sort of.

Me: Oh, God. Eddie's (a character in the play) jokes are laaaaame.
Ieva, the foreign exchange student from Lithuania: Really?! You think!? I mean, if I was in the crowd, I would laugh hysterically!
Me: No, Ieva, the jokes are meant to be dumb. Americans like to laugh at pointless, ridiculous things like that.
Ieva: Really!? Oh, wow. American humor is much more complicated than British humor, and that is saying a lot.

Me, after buying Ieva and I each a tie of Mr. Blaney's: See, Ieva, it is an American trend to wear a tie as a belt.
Ieva: No way! That is preposterous! A tie... As a belt?!
Me: Yeah, I know. [Mildly sarcastic] Craaaaazy.
Ieva: Yeah, but, oh well! [Puts her tie on as a belt]

So, today, in English, Mrs. Mellberg wasn't present during the morning announcements. It was odd, because she is always there to make us be quiet. Apparently, she was in the hall staring at us. What will that woman think of next?

Mademichelle Countdown: Six more lessons.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Mass!

Okay. I am finally updating! Yay! Or in Seamstress/Cinderblock language: DURRRRRRR!

Okay, then.

Well, today was mass day. But before the grand time of prayer and nasty bread eating was English and US History.

In English, Mrs. Mellberg was very... Um... Mrs. Mellberg, to say the least.

Mrs. Mellberg, after our class forgets that today is pledge check day and our money is due: Alright, then! I don't even want to put our class total down on the paper! That's how pathetic it is! Let me see what happens to people that forget their pledge money! I hope you all get detentions for life! Not really, though. That is [demon voice] eeeeevil.

That quickly evolved into a story about... Her husband!?

Mrs. Mellberg: I think I have good odds of winning the lottery tonight.
Class: Why?
Mrs. Mellberg: Yeah! You see, one Sunday afternoon, two months after we got married, my husband and I were outside washing the car. I know... Hot. Anyway, when we were done, I sat on the porch like women are supposed to do, and I watched him finish up. He went to go dump the soapy water out and BOOM! Lightning strikes. Husband goes down. Out cold. I start screeeeeeamin' and hooooooooollerin' and finally the neighbors come over and ask what's wrong and all I can say is, "Call 911! Call 911!" So they call the fire and rescue squad and they zap him with those things and [depressed voice] bring him "back to life."

Mrs. Mellberg: I have the cutest dog! She's a white boxer!
Me: Do you kiss her?
Mrs. Mellberg: Yes! Every morning before I go to work... But not on the lips. That would be weird. I kiss my kids on the lips! Wait... But not my son. My daughters get lip kisses.

Oh, life.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

...

Okay, look. I am really sorry to those of you who actually do read this blog regularly. I am an update slacker again, but I have not abandoned you. I have just been really busy with the play and all, so I will holla at y'all later.

Heart you!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Dog treats, "Teeth," and The Gender Song.

Oh, what a crazy week so far. I mean, you don't just get weeks like this every day. You just don't.

Now, enough with the pointless and retarded babble.

Okay, so as most of you have already heard, Kellinka ate dog treats yesterday. Not by choice, of course. You see, the other day, when Madame was trying to explain to us that dog treats are -- ahem -- good, Kellinka was not in agreeance. "Disgusted" is more like it. Well, Madame wanted to get Kellinka to try some, too, so she brought some in. Typical of a Russian, though... Oh, I heart Madame. Anyway, Kellinka read a sentence en francais tres bien, so Madame said she could have "cookies" -- er -- Dog treats. One thing led to another and Kellinka ate them. Afterward, a red-with-laughter Madame told her what the cookies really were, and Kellinka's cookie fun was over, to say the least.

Anyway, back to today's news.

Kellinka got her braces off, so her new nickname is Teeth. And during French, I made a new song that really annoys Mademoiselle.

(Sing to the phrase, I like to be in America!, from West Side story)

Da Da Da Da Da Da Le La Les!

That, my friends, I call The Gender Song.

Yeah, so, other than that, life is pretty normal... I do have a few lines from History and Theology to share, though! Happiness!

Mr. Schultz: So, does anyone have a current event to share?
Brigid: At a zoo, a buffalo attacked a lion.
Mr. Schultz: Did the buffalo win?
Diana, shocked: What kind of question is that?! "Did the buffalo win?!"

Me: I wonder if Kellinka will have huge teeth now that her braces are off.
Seamstress: Well, if she does, she can be friends with Paul.
Me: Paul doesn't have big teeth...
Seamstress: Yes, he does! Have you ever seen those chompers!?

Then Seamstress and I went on to draw Tucker in various ways... One of which was eating her arm.

Theology...

Mr. Tumpane: We are going to move our desks into a circle... The Circle of Trust.
Me: Why?
Mr. Tumpane: Well, just because. You don't want to be out of the circle, do you?
Brigid: Why do you bring up dirty movies like Meet the Fockers during class?
Mr. Tumpane: I believe the movie was Meet the Parents.
Brigid: Yeah, but they talked more about the Circle of Trust in the second one.
Mr. Tumpane and I: No. I don't think so.
Stephanie: I think Brigid doesn't know what she is talking about.

Brigid: Mr. Tumpane, do you realize that no matter who you move or where you move them to, they are still going to talk to who they're next to?
Me: Yeah. You moved me away from Stephanie to across the room next to Megan, but Stephanie was the one that still screamed across the room to Megan.
Mr. Tumpane: So, you are saying that I should just give up?
Tiffany: No. We are saying that [points to door] Megan has to go.

So, that is about it. Bye.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Service Day.

Well, Service Day is done and over with. It is kind of a relief, actually. Now I don't have to worry about spending a day with Pease and small children anymore. It wasn't that bad, actually. Pease and I just had some... Er... Intelligent conversations.

Me: Mrs. Pease! Do you want to be Dorothy and Toto for Halloween with me?!
Mrs. Pease: No, not really.
Me: Awww.
Kellinka: I thought you were going to be Mr. Brooker's twin!
Me: Oh, yeah!
Alex: Really!? Ohmygod! That is going to be so funny! Are you going to ride a motorcycle to school?!
Me: Mr. Brooker rides a motorcycle!?
Kellie and Alex, in awe of my bad knowledge: Um, yeah.
Me: Mrs. Pease! Have you ever ridden Mr. Brooker's motorcycle?
Mrs. Pease: No, and I don't know that I would...

Mrs. Pease: My dog has worms. I have to pick up her meds on the way home...

You know, that last quote was funny at the time, but looking back on it now, I realize that laughing at that is just cruel.

Mrs. Pease, trying to locate sheets of flash cards to cut: Ugh. Oh, God... I mean, "oh, gosh." I am having problems with this...

After we were done with the task at hand, Kellinka, Alex and I went to McDonalds and Kellinka got honked at by a pervert with a Puff the Magic Dragon car horn. We ate, and it was raining, so we couldn't leave (we had to walk to Alex's.) Once it did stop and one curdled Fruit and Yogurt Parfait later, we got to her house and played "ghetto" board games and Taboo. During Taboo, Kellinka and I thought it would be funny if we made Alex lose on purpose by NOT guessing the object to her easy clues.

Alex trying to make me guess "unicycle" while Kellinka was in the basement: Okay, Pencil Case, this is a wheel with handles.
Me: Um, a tractor?
Alex: NOOOOO! You are RETARDED!

Oh, man.

Well, I will talk to you later!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Randomness.

Did you ever have one of those feelings like, "this week is going to be very long," or "I already have a shitty feeling about today, and it is only 8:45am?" Let's just say that today, and this past weekend, for that matter, have been just that for the Pencil Case. Just some major friend drama. I am not going to name names or go into detail, but, yeah.

Because I haven't updated in a while, I have accumulated a lump sum of stories and quotes.

Last Thursday:

In History, we were talking about our current events when the giant squid came into the picture.

Me: Did they really catch that giant squid on film?
Mr. Schultz: Yes! This is big news in the "Nerd World," which includes me.
Class: [Laughter]
Mr. Schultz: I am going to have a squid party. We will dress as sea creatures, eat calamari and watch 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and compare their giant squid footage to the stuff on CNN.
Brigid: Who is all going?
Mr. Schultz, hesitantly: Me.

Mr. Schultz: The squid has the largest eyes known to man. They are the size of an adult human's head.
Diana, not paying full attention: They only have one eye? What?!
Me: They have two eyes, but they are very large.
Diana, still being half-witted: They have two heads!?
Me: No, Diana.
Mr. Schultz: [Beat] Ooookay, then.

Yet more current event talk.

Diana: An owner and his dog were just reunited after the hurricane. There is a picture of them in the paper. The dog is so cute! [Diana laughs due to unknown reasons, and the class stares at her]
Mr. Schultz, kinda freaked out: Riiiiight. Okay, Diana. Thank you for that...

Then there was beloved Theology.

Bet: In high altitudes, you have to bake a cake a special way.
Me: Nuh-uh!
Bet: I am so not kidding! On the back of the box, it says, "If you are on a mountain, don't use as much eggs!"

Last Friday:

Once again, History was hilarious... Just like Roberta according to Senora G.

Mr. Schultz: Crispus Attucks was the tokin' black guy of his time.
Diana: What?!
Mr. Schultz: Well, actually, he was only popular because he was black... Actually, he was mulatto.

Mr. Schultz: Bats spread SARS.
Me: I always thought is was from Asia.
Diana: Ohmigod! That was sooooo offensive!

Over the Weekend:

Oh, football games...

Mrs. Mellberg, to Ethan: Ethan! My daughter just loves you! She always asks who that boy with the pink scarf is! "Ethan," I tell her, "Ethan!"
Ethan: Wow. [Laughter]
Mrs. Mellberg: She, seriously, asks me everyday. "When do I get to see that boy with the pink scarf again? I miss him!" "Ethan," I tell her, "ETHAN!"

Today:

Oh, God... Mrs. Mellberg is seriously one of the funniest women I know.

Mrs. Mellberg: I hate when kids sing Happy Birthday and go, "Happy birthday to you -- Scooby Doo!"

Mrs. Mellberg: I used to work at Sherway (a local grocery store) and we used the ghetto registers... Not the ones that go, "BEEP BEEP!"
Me: Is there a point to this story?
Mrs. Mellberg: Well, I used to work at McDonalds, too. You should have seen how happy everybody was when we got apple pie... It was like Jesus rose from the dead... Again!

Then there is History...

Jill: Do you like my new glasses.
Brigid and I: I love them! They look like emo glasses!
Diana: You guys! That is soooo mean! Emo?!

Mr. Schultz: Okay, class. I want you to divide up into to groups... People that live on the west side of Green Bay, and people that live on the east side of Green Bay.
Jill, quietly: Krista, are you on east or west?
Krista: Jill, you can just ask me what side you are on. We are on west.
Jill: Thanks.


Well, talk to you soon. Bye.

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